Day 12 with a Shaman

Am I dreaming or am I awake? If I am dreaming, what do I want to do?

For years, mornings have been difficult for me because I fly free in my dreams. It is hard to instantly feel the limitation of my physical body when I awaken. I have had the trapped feeling of having no choice but to follow the rules of man. I would sleep a lot just to have the freedom that I yearned for. Then, I began experimenting with lucid dreaming.

On the occasion when I realized I was in a dream, I could play and create all I wanted. It was divine play and incredibly fulfilling. Then, I would come back to waking state with a dark dread. It made my life seemingly unbearable at times. Now, with the help of this practice, I am realizing I can more consciously play that way in the waking state. I don’t mean law of attraction as much as bringing fantasy into this realm. Now, that sounds exciting! Some might say unrealistic, head in the clouds…I call it finally being really alive! This is what I’ve yearned for!

When people have told me to live the life I’ve imagined, I’ve wondered if they even knew what they were asking. I didn’t see a world big enough for my fantastical visions. The dream car, house, and American dream were not enough. I wanted to play with the Gods/Goddesses, Angels, Animal spirits and all the things you couldn’t see. Even though they were out of sight, they were still very much alive.

I can make choices about my life according to creation itself. I can paint the canvas a thousand shades of green with a vibrant purple splashed across. With the most profound passion, I can live boldly and sing the song of my soul to ignite the fire of Earth. This can be my choice.

If I’m dreaming, where are the limits? Who decides boundaries? Do they even exist? When we realize we are dreaming what can actually stop us?

Day 11 with a Shaman part 2

I made a sand painting with my new story, with the intention of transforming my limitations into freedom. I visit it every day with offerings and inspiring objects to feed my vision. Today, I decided to offer one of my favorite apples, which was quite the sacrifice! I also wanted to offer fresh flowers so I asked the cherry blossom tree to drop a few beautiful blooms, if it wished. This evening, I walked out to find three gorgeous flowers right in my path. I thanked the tree and offered the spirits the goodies. I have high hopes they will be accepted with as much love as they were given.

Day 11 with a Shaman

I have been working with Perceptual states and the Hummingbird is the most present spirit that wants to play. I seem to just stop when I connect with the spirit of the North, rather than moving to the other two directions. When I connect with the Hummingbird, I can feel the joy bubbling in my heart and my energy increases. It is also teaching me to be flexible in my path. I can see how it quickly darts from side to side to reach the goal. I am learning the value of changing course.

I am also noticing a pain in my knee. The strange thing is it started in my left knee,then moved to my right. It is very persistent…so I have given it my attention today. I have gotten the message to slow down and find my own pace. I got that it is important to listen inside for my own unique rhythm, instead of following someone else.

I am walking forward into the unknown and there is fear in my body. I notice that I have been trying to rush the process and my knee is indicating this, by forcing me to slow down and take time to reflect. It is easy to judge reflection as unproductive time, especially when looking at myself through others’ eyes.  Another lesson in not worrying what anybody else thinks.

Well, after slowing down a bit and taking an inner inventory, my knee pain has eased. I am asking inside about the next move and following the subtle sense of relief in the moment.

Day 10 with a Shaman

 

Today, I made a sand painting with my new story and intentions. I placed my old issue stones on the outside to be transformed into the new story. I am excited to see my new life unfold.

I’ve had many chances to let go of what that looks like:

Last night, I was talking with a co-worker who is a Lutheran. She is a lovely woman with an intriguing life story. As she began giving me spiritual advice, I immediately wanted to reject it, because of our different paths. Instead, I opened to listening and received a divine gift. God spoke through her and told me exactly what I needed to hear.  I was humbled.

Then, this morning, I was humbled once again. My ego was convincing me of all the things I needed and trying to figure out how to get them. This kept me busy for a while until my partner pointed out, so gracefully, that all of my needs were met. He was right; it was as simple as that. We are all just beautiful reminders to each other. Live right now, and breathe.

Spirit is teaching in every aspect of creation. Who am I to decide which is best?

Day 9 with a Shaman

 

Today was a challenge as well.  I got the estimate on my car and found out my new jobs were not going to have as many hours for me this week. It seemed, for a moment, like my world was closing in on me. How would I come up with money? How would I get to work? What will I do? These thoughts filled my head and chaos closed in.

I did my best to breathe and find appreciation in as much as I could find around me. My Manager was upset with me and being passive aggressive, which was very difficult. I had to stay very present; otherwise I noticed I was absorbing her anger and sadness. The more I tried to gain control, the more out of control it became.  It was much easier when I was physically away from her.

I noticed I was feeling trapped, and being threatened by the old story.  Then, I remembered the freedom and invincibility of the Eagle, so I called on the help of this spirit ally. I had just practiced perceptual states with the animals. I was able to tap into the feeling of freedom in the midst of a not so enjoyable story of life. Relief washed over me, and my body relaxed. I followed my breath to the joy and remembered Truth.

Day 8 with a Shaman

Sorry, for the delay.

Today, my stability was tested. My car died so I decided to ride my bike, which was energizing. It was a beautiful sunny day and I was filled with gratitude. Then, I got news of another financial set- back.

It was hard not to dive into complete panic and worry. I did my best to just ride my bike and enjoy the birds etc. I had a two hour healing session, working with my core issues. I was feeling a block in my throat and right ear. It cleared in the session as we released and cleared my 5th chakra.

It is always refreshing to let go and see the difference after a session. My body released a ton and the lightness of being was the perfect complement to the long bike ride.

I fell into bed completely exhausted and in a state of bliss. All worries were far away. Amazing.

Day 7 with a Shaman part 2

Today, after writing my new story, I tapped in to the animal spirits of the four directions. First, the Serpent, which was a feeling of just flowing as creation with very little preference. Second, the Jaguar, which expanded my awareness in all directions with a distinct refinement of the senses. It was strong and gentle at once. Third, was the Hummingbird, which filled my body with an endless amount of energy while my heart bubbled with Joy. What I could have done at the gym with all this energy!!!! I have to remember this! Lastly, was the Eagle, which took my essence inside the most profound freedom. I just knew I could go and see anything. It was boundless.

Day 7 with a Shaman

A New Story

I love my life!!! I wake up every day excited to get started…I feel like I should pinch myself because it feels like a dream come true. I feel free, joyful, powerful, fulfilled, in the flow of creation, like I am doing exactly what I came here to do. I am a true asset to humanity.  I feel free to do exactly what I want in every moment. I can travel and enjoy the luxuries of the world. My Husband and I are madly in love. I feel worthy of the relationship and it continues to grow into a Holy union. I am physically in the best shape of my life.

I dance every day, uplifting spirits and healing Earth. I am living my genius and earning a living doing it. I never have to think about money and feel free. I am a pure channel for the Feminine and empowerment of Source. Did I mention I feel free? 😉

Day 6

Today there is contentment. I am losing interest in the roller coaster ride of my mind. I got several opportunities to feel scared about money or the lack of. It was compelling but it is a distraction from the truth of who I am. It almost becomes like an annoying fly, buzzing around with the sole purpose of testing my patience. Like a kid with a new toy, I’m putting down the old one. It just isn’t fun anymore. 🙂

My intention is to give all of my attention to the beauty and truth in my life. My life can throw curve balls but my choice is always the same. Listen…right now…open…receive…find the joy…live there.

Day 5 with a Shaman

Today, I created a Sacred Fire. I brought offerings to spirit in hopes that I would be guided and assisted in letting go of my old story. I brought olive oil, incense and a stick representing my story. I opened sacred space inviting Great Spirit, the directions, and all allies in spirit form. I honored them and lit the fire, but it was stubborn. I fed it small sticks, paper, and everything I could find. Still, it smoked. My eyes burned and tears streamed down my face, as I tried my best to please the fire spirits. I wondered if they were rejecting me and the ceremony. Once again, I felt lacking and not enough.

Suddenly I heard, “too many mind”, as a stinging nettle jumped out to get my attention. I became acutely aware of my mind chatter. I was trying to build a fire from all my experiences from the past and it wasn’t working. All the camping trips, all the fire gathering was not what I needed to build this fire.

I stopped and listened inside… the voice began telling me the exact sticks the fire wanted and I quickly began gathering the summoned wood. The fire grew strong and the smoke pointed away from me as I moved around it. A dance began between the fire and my spirit. I let go, accepting the invitation to flow with the aliveness of creation. I fed the fire three times, with olive oil, incense, and my story.

The fire was threatening to go out as I blew my story into the stick and tossed it in. The minute my stick hit the top of the bundle, the fire blazed. It was anxious to distinguish my old limiting beliefs as much as I was. It was awe-inspiring. I sat in amazement of the fire and its glory.

About that time, I looked up to see an eagle majestically circling above in its full authority. Then, I looked to my right to see an orange breasted hummingbird lingering at eye level about two feet away. It stopped as if to give an approving nod and quickly flew away.

Time stopped. The voice of Spirit became crystal clear and I basked in the inevitability of the One.