Day 36 with a Shaman

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Raven is the bringer of Change. It cannot stand to see the world stagnate. When a change must occur, Raven flies swiftly in to evoke it! Although many consider raven a trickster, he is nowhere near the league of Coyote. Raven is the bringer of new things, new places, and new ideas. Raven teaches what is needed at the perfect time. When the world has become complacent, and is ready to move on, it is Raven who swoops in from his journeys to show the world something new, something exciting, something different. He explores, he challenges, and he is the bringer of transformation!

Freya is a shaman Goddess who is able to travel in the different realms by using her magical cloak to shape shift into a bird. She also has the power to transform other people into animals. Freya often had a cloak of feathers that enabled her to fly in the form of a raven. As a fertility Goddess she is linked to the full moon.

When I began working with a Shaman as a healer, I had a dream one night that didn’t feel like a dream at all. I was dreaming that I was sleeping and woke within the dream to a scratching noise. I looked to the left of my bed where the window was. In waking state, it was covered but in this dream it was clear. I saw a huge black face with dark piercing eyes. It was a Raven and it was trying to get in. It wanted to be closer to me. Its stare burned into the deepest parts of me. It knew everything about me and I squirmed at the thought. I wanted to look away but couldn’t.

Then, its eyes changed into human eyes. It was part Raven, part man and it was coming for me. It began opening the window with huge talons, calmly, patiently, and fiercely. Even if it took a life time, he would tenaciously keep coming.  I knew he/it wasn’t going to stop. What I didn’t know was if it was dangerous or just intense. Remembering Edgar Allen Poe, I wanted to run. Did it want to kill me, harm me, or join me? Perhaps it wanted to give me a message? Regardless of the Raven’s intent, I was petrified by its sheer power.

I couldn’t take it. I tried to run, but my limbs were frozen. I tried to cry, but my voice was muffled. I willed myself to awaken from the dream inside my dream. I woke up screaming, fighting, whimpering, and trembling. I was terrified. My partner wrapped his arms around me, rocked me and assured me I was safe. Although I felt protected, I could still feel the presence of the Raven that crossed over into my world forever.

This morning as I was leaving my house, I heard a sound, like someone saying, “Hey over here, pay attention!” It was not quite a human voice but conveyed intelligence beyond any animal. I’ve heard that the voice of a being carries its essence. This essence was familiar and haunting…a ghost from a dream.  I looked up to see two Ravens in the tree above me. They were looking at me, but nonchalantly talking amongst themselves. I watched in awe, feeling honored and blessed. It seemed like they bestowed me with great fortune by just existing within close proximity. I sensed the intimate connection with them, the filament of light reaching from my heart to them and remembered why I am here. Thank you ,Raven.


Day 35 with a Shaman

Facing the demons

Energy has been tumultuous lately. One minute I’m joyful, then the next crying. It has nothing to do with what is happening in the story of life, I noticed as I began wailing when I realized I’d lost three pounds.  It should have been a celebratory moment and I found myself bawling like a baby. Anger has come in long waves. I made a decision in the midst of anger to face the dark side, while daring it to, “bring it on”! It was the only thing left to do. I was done. I began reading everything racy I could get my hands on, diving more deeply into the rage, deciding to face it without any numbing substances. If I was going to dance with the demons, I wanted to know them well.

However, being extremely empathic, I sensed that absorbing the mindset of the enigmatic allure of the underground scene would be enough. I needed to grasp the compelling nature of it and see the web of magic it could spin. It was full of twisted demons leaving lost souls and perversion in its wake. I ran full speed into every dark patch I could sense inside my body, mind, and energy field. I disappeared into the stories of junkies, prostitutes, shameful homosexuals, rapists, serial killers, and my own creator of sabotage. Looking around, grasping it completely.

Five days later, the end result is…absolute boredom. This two dimensional world no longer has any appeal.  It is empty and flavorless.  Even while experiencing heartbreak and pain, it has no power. Once the heart has expanded, there is more beauty to crave. It is infinitely promising, while the darkness becomes ever more finite. The darkness is only tempting, when we are running from it, running from ourselves, and lending it more power than it actually possesses. When we embrace it, there is more light and darkness ceases to exist. The lie is limited. Truth is Eternal.


Part 2

After further reflection, I think I’ve only begun to glimpse the dark side. There is a whole lower realm that is beyond this world, or parallel to it. It is beckoning to me, since I wrote this last post. Perhaps, I only explored the dark side of our everyday realm.  Something beyond that is passionately inviting me to dive deeper…


A Goddess


Autumn's Life

I found this on Facebook and had to share:

A goddess is a woman who emerges from deep within herself. She is a woman who has honestly explored her darkness and learned to celebrate her light. She is a woman who is able to fall in love with the magnificent possibilities within her. She is a woman who knows of the magic and mysterious places inside her, the sacred places that can nurture her soul and make her whole. She is a woman who radiates light. She is magnetic. She walks into a room and male and female alike feel her presence. She has power and softness at the same time. She has powerful sexual energy that’s not dependent on physical looks. She has a body that she adores and it shows by the way she comfortably lives and moves in it. She cherishes beauty, light and love. She is…

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Day 34 with a Shaman

I have been working on a sand painting for the last three weeks and keep adding objects of intention. I visit it every few days or when I have energy to blow in, but it has become so full of stones and shells! While talking with my Teacher, which happens to be miles away at the moment, she made a comment about how busy my painting was! It was both humorous and awe inspiring.

She is always positive with a delicious flavor of comic relief. This was no exception. I am inspired by the fact that she is able to see my painting from so far away. It is so exciting to have such an example of someone I’d like to emulate, especially when it is my Mentor.

There has been such an internal shift this week and I feel that is definitely time to close this sand painting and open a new one. There is a solidarity deep inside that I have been asking for. I will open a new painting with the intention of diving even deeper and anchoring awareness to walk between the worlds.

I realize that life will throw curve balls but my inner experience can be rock solid. It has been difficult to sustain this with so much stagnant emotional energy in my body. The more it releases, the more opportunity there is for connection with Spirit/Source/One.


The Divine is present in everyone, in all beings, in everything.

Like space it is everywhere, all pervading, all powerful, all knowing.

The Divine is the principle of Life, the inner light of consciousness, and

pure bliss. It is our very own Self.

— Amma ♥

Day 33 with a Shaman

In my session today, we tracked the anxiety and worked on a core childhood trauma. The message it had for me was that I needed to break free or I would die. It showed me that the old ways no longer work, i.e. people pleasing and focusing on money. If I continue to make these my priorities, my soul will die. It is dying. The old must be released completely so the new can enter.

My childhood trauma has supported an idea that if I move into the unknown, I will not be supported and even hurt. It has shown me that this world is not safe and that trusting can leave me without a safety net. Therefore, I’ve been holding on to this memory to protect me from the unknown and anxiety has been my security guard.

Each time an opportunity of the unknown presented itself in my life, anxiety would take over. It would cause great suffering and even sabotage. As a loyal security guard, it was merely doing its job. It wasn’t concerned with how much my life was crumbling, as long as it kept me tucked in or stuck in the known. Unfortunately, this included depression, chaos, and pain. These were registered as familiar to the security guard.

As we tracked the anxiety around the heart and allowed it to shift, it turned from a solid to a gas and rose up to the sky. We asked it if it had a message for me. It did. It was that it connected me to Higher Knowledge and all beings. I let that sink in. What I was left with was a feeling of safety, support, invincibility, union, and relief. If I am connected to all beings, including higher beings and knowledge, then I am perpetually safe.

There can be no wrong turns or ultimately unsafe choices. As the gas continued to rise into the heavens, I could feel the presence of the whales. Their wisdom permeated my cells and I felt like I was being enveloped in the womb of creation. I could hear their heart song reverberating in the depths of my soul. I was returning home.

My Teacher told me about her trip up to a Peruvian mountain. She described the angels and light beings that joined her. She said they were reaching out to her from the sky, lending their guidance. She talked about all the support that is surrounding us right now. I got on a very real level that we are so loved. There is an abundance of light waiting to pour in…to show us our way. We are never abandoned or expected to do this on our own.