Day 21 with a Shaman

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Weakened with overwhelming love pouring into me, I sit silently on the verge of tears and laughter. I am aware of the essence of what we are. As a collective, we are blossoming into that indescribable perfection we grasp in peak experiences.

I look at all the drug and alcohol addictions running rampant through our society. I now see that we are all seeking the same union. That fleeting moment of invincibility after a few glasses of wine that gives you perfect connection with Source…so it seems. You drop your limitations and feel normal for a second. That euphoric bliss that consumes you after taking a toke on the pipe leaves you feeling omnipotent. Rather than seek what we’ve tapped into, we make the substance the savior and give up our freedom, convinced we are finding what we have yearned for.

I admit I have been under the grip of addiction the majority of my life. It has taken different forms but the illusive robber has been ever present. After being told to just ‘go inside’, I remember cringing at the absurd dissatisfaction of the thought. I’d silently rebel, until I’d had enough pain. Then, I’d let go.

The heart is always moving toward greater fulfillment and union. We just get distracted with detours and yet we can always come back to the road to freedom. The ego mind is so clever with seduction, making destruction seem irresistible. It gives us a unique identity, and with that a feeling of false power.  It convinces us we could finally have a sense of belonging.

The more I go inside first, the need for things falls away gently. It leaves me with a feeling of wholeness. The intense yearning softens and the angst subsides. With this knowing, I have to wonder why is it so hard to make the choice to sink inside first, resting in the vastness of God? Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven, meditate, be aware, pray, receive…


Day 20 with a Shaman

I journeyed to the Upper World today. I climbed a mountain with my Jaguar. Then, he turned into an eagle and we flew up through the layers of the heavens. We asked for permission to enter the Crystal City. We were greeted by Divine Mother and Father, with the most accepting love. Then, we explored in absolute freedom. I was shown a book in a gorgeous room of records. It had my true name on it, I knew it was mine, even though it was in another ancient language. I opened it to the page it wanted me to read. The message went from the page into my Soul, and I internalized the message completely.

Then, we flew through the city of soul quenching light. It filled the depths of me so completely, I wanted for nothing. Then, two beings came to offer gifts. The beings disappeared the gifts hovered in front of us, waiting to be received. The first was a tiara, which moved to the top of my head lending me a profound experience of divinity…a reminder of truth. The second was a suit of armor made of liquid gold. It wrapped around me and sank in like water in rich thirsty soil. It kept moving to the origin of my creation. After fully receiving the gifts, it was time to leave. We honored all and traveled down through the layers of light, galaxies, stars, animals, beings, and earth.  I thanked all the Ancient Ones and closed Sacred Space. Beautiful.

Day 19 with a Shaman

I journeyed into the Underworld today. It is my second solo journey. I opened sacred space, which was beautiful. I could sense the support all around me as the Ancient Ones gathered around. I asked my dear ally Jared to stay close to me for the entire journey. We traveled down, bathed in the waters and received permission to enter. As we entered the Chamber of Wounds, I looked around but did not engage. I noticed there was a pool of liquid on the ground that slid over the top of my feet. It looked dark like blood but I was able to just witness it. There were a few instances that could have become frightening but I remembered my Teachers warning to not engage with anything here.

We continued to the Chamber of Contracts. I was able to burn an old mutual contract between me and another person. In this contract, we had agreed to protect one another but also keep ourselves limited. I asked for permission to burn the old and start a new one. As the old contract went up in flames the new one was signed and placed in the window of light.

As we entered the Chamber of Gifts, I admired the beauty and received first a crown of golden light then a body armor of golden liquid light. I allowed the gifts to permeate my being and settle in. With full gratitude, we honored the gifts and moved into the next Chamber.

The Chamber of Souls was full of life. I could hear whispers of stories and I hung on every word. It was enriching and complete. It was time to end our journey. We traveled up, up, up and out.  We closed Sacred Space and I honored the spirits and allies for guiding me in this delicious journey.

I notice the practices of the journey are bleeding over into my daily life. I had several big opportunities to react from old wounds. My partner triggered a major one and I promptly chose to not engage with the reaction. It was not denying or stuffing the emotion. I just noticed it as a wound and chose not to play with it. It left me feeling more empowered. If we are always at the mercy or whim of someone else’s actions, we are not coming from our own power place. This is huge for me and I am grateful for the realization and the practice.

Day 18 with a Shaman


I am connecting more deeply with the stones I used in my sand painting. I have a main stone that I blew my old story into then it was activated through my Shaman Teacher’s Peruvian stones. I have my new intentions stone, living with passion, enjoying the luxuries of the world, ideal body, empowerment, and relationship/heart stone. I keep them on an altar of sacred objects, including my rattle, pendulum, Goddess picture and other inspiring objects.  I have journeyed with the heart stone, passion stone, and intentions stone.

The heart stone held quite a bit of heavy energy from fear and sadness. As I let my awareness connect with it, it welcomed me warmly and took me to the ocean. The waters washed away the heaviness and I was left with the essence of the stone. It was very comforting and inviting. I got the strong feeling it has a lot to tell.  I look forward to connecting more deeply in the future.

The intentions stone dropped me deep into the Earth. It was as if I was falling in slow motion but still inside the stone. It beckoned me to go deeper into the core of Earth and myself…then beyond. I accepted the invitation but resisted at the ‘beyond’. A part of me is trying to hold back, while another part wants to dive head first with unabashed enthusiasm. I am noticing the fear as it comes in waves to the surface. The deeper I travel the more the fear rises, like bubbles of air through water. All I have to do is allow it the move.

The passion stone was harder to connect with. It welcomed me but we didn’t travel. I will take my time with this one. I notice the more I am able to trust this work, the more the spirits reveal to me. It is very humbling and invigorating. I’m sure this stone will pick the perfect time to reveal its story and mysterious teachings.

Day 17 with a Shaman

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I journeyed on my own today. I traveled to the Underworld. I made sure my Jaguar was by my side the whole time. I used my rattle, creating a steady rhythm for the entirety of my journey. It was a funny at times how the rattle took me deeper at points and distracted me at others. At one point I felt like it wasn’t working when a sound behind me startled me out of a really deep trance. I became aware of exactly which part was journeying. It seems that this path does not entertain the ego self at all, in fact, it isn’t even invited to the party!

I continued to journey further as my mind tried all sorts of distracting games. It was pacified with doing the rattle, ‘just right’, while I moved into the Chamber of Wounds. I made sure not engage with anything I came across. We quickly opened the door to enter the Chamber of Contracts; I could see a few scrolls encased in walls lit like priceless pieces of art. I left them untouched as we entered the Chamber of Gifts. I asked if there were any gifts that wanted to come back with us…slowly I got the message that there was.The gift of Time made itself known to me. As I thought the name of the gift, my ego mind jumped in to make a story around it. It was rambling on about how this would make me the gatekeeper of time and we could control it whenever we wanted!!!!! Mwahaha!! As my ego was plotting to rule the planet, we moved on to the Chamber of Souls. My jaguar, Jared, confidently strutted by my side, lending me his air of authority. This Chamber was so full, almost overwhelming to take it all in, which seemed to happen in a quick flash. We lingered here for a bit…basking in the unnamable allure.

Then, it was time to return. We traveled up to thank the Keeper of the Underworld, bathe in the waters and continue up, up, up! As we were almost out, something startled me again and filled my body with terror.  It drew me out of the deep trance suddenly, and I had to slow my heartbeat, assuring it we were safe.

It was only a stack of papers, blowing in the wind.  We came out looked around, saw my kitties nearby, as they always like to be present in our circles. Finally, we closed Sacred Space, making sure to fully integrate our gift of time and all it might offer.  My first solo journey was a success! I look forward to many more as I deepen the practice.

Sunshine award

Paul at Resting in Awareness has nominated this blog for the Sunshine Award. The award is given to blogs that contribute to the blogging world in a positive or inspirational way. I am very grateful to Paul for the nomination and for the inspiration Resting in Awareness has given me. I am honored to recieve this award and hope to be of service in all that I do. Thank you for reading my blog!

Those receiving the Sunshine Award are asked to:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you and write a post about it.
  2. Answer ten questions about yourself.
  3. Pass the award on to 10 or 12 bloggers you enjoy, link to their blogs, and let them know you nominated them.

Blogs I nominate:

1. Leelah at leelotchka44

2. KL at kzachuslheureux

3. Paul at Resting in Awareness

4. Rachel at rachelmiller1511

5. Nadine at nadinemarie33

6. a view from the mat

Ten Q&A’s about myself

  1. Favorite drink? coconut water
  2. Favorite food? tiramisu
  3. Age? 38
  4. Favorite time of day? dusk
  5. Favorite time of year? fall
  6. Favorite animal? cougar
  7. Favorite movie? Breakfast at Tiffany’s
  8. Favorite vacation?: Encintas, CA
  9. Physical activity?: dancing
  1. Favorite thing?: Love

Sunshine awardP…

Day 16 with a Shaman


Ocean air fills my nose like lemon silk with a hint of salted cucumber. Its soothing soft crispness refreshes and rejuvenates. Wind brings a whiff of wild roses, poplar, and elder berries. My mouth waters slightly as a hint of cherries and cinnamon tantalizes my tongue. Sun warms my face and awakens me as it has many mornings shining through my window, beams of light granting me pardon from the chilling wind. They reach me with such purpose, I question my significance.

The golden glow saturates me like sinking into a warm bubble bath with winter storming outside. It engulfs the land and water bringing out their beauty as colors burst all around me. The grass becomes a brilliant array of fluorescent limes, forest green, teal and green hues I’m certain have not yet been named. I can taste the freshly mown sweetness across my tongue, bringing back my childhood in an instant.

The sun pulls my attention to glittery n an organized medley over the water. They are so joyous they appear to take flight, each sparkle taking on a life of its own, competing for my attention. As the sun breathes life into them, they dazzle my eyes with pure delight. Seagulls flying overhead tilt with the wind, barely missing tree branches. The foaming waves slide over rocks like a silk curtain revealing more surface with each passing. Water carries driftwood onto the sand, delivering it from a long journey to rest at last.

As I sit here quietly, waves crash beneath like angry thunder. The water reaches out to shake hands with the sky. My mind begins to wonder about all the mysterious creatures swirling below the tumultuous surface. I sense the absolute stillness they inhabit, permeated with life and yet so serenely still, filling me with peace as I remember another similar moment. I recall the room at the time of my grandfather’s death, full of the most profound peace I have ever felt. It was full and absent at once, leaving a presence comparable to this massive ocean.

An eagle perches nearby like the knight of the air. Its piercing gaze demands allegiance to the creator, every motion deliberate, nothing wasted. It takes flight as its shadow devours the sun overhead. I can hear its wings in on long swoosh as it joins its partner in midflight. I admire the union…a partnership even Fred and Ginger would envy. They glide through the sky with complete effortlessness. Seagulls dive bomb them, bravado their only weapon, protesting the intrusion of their heavenly domain. Their boldness astonishes me. The eagles, however, barely notice as they give me the once over and carry on their flight, leaving me slightly intimidated by their calm natural authority.

I begin to feel a rhythmic pulse beneath me. The ground is hard and cold, but underneath its surface there is a melodic throbbing, a heartbeat I have only known in a dream, bringing back a long forgotten yearning. All of the elements seem to take their places for a mutual orchestration about to commence. The tees groan as they stretch in preparation for the big performance, limbs creaking like an old man rising out of bed. They reach out and grab the wind as they begin their majestic adagio.

The same wind starts as slow violins caressing my heart strings, the waves providing low booms vibrating my bones. Gulls chime in with trumpeting duets. A natural cohesiveness envelops me in a harmony beyond my experience, overwhelming me with a power beyond definition. My inner maestro leaps wildly to attention and begins to direct this masterpiece. I feel as if I have slipped through a portal into the great minds of Amadeus and Bach. In the company of geniuses, I lose myself completely, taking hold of every crescendo as though I am whipping in the wind on the tails of a monster kite. I question, am I dreaming or am I awake?

The tall weeds along the bluff bend and twist in perfect coordination with the strings and trumpets, moving in ecstatic ways I have never before imagined. Such unison and oneness, I silently applaud their uniqueness.

I hear the invitation to feel this alive, everywhere I go. Nature holds a magic that I long for and need to survive. If I ignore it for a while, it welcomes me back like a long lost friend. It’s a comforting companion that challenges me to expand my limits, the example I need in a sea of chaos. It never seems out of reach, patiently awaiting my return…always willing…always accepting. It reminds me of the person I want to be. I wonder how this place, right now, can have such substance.

There is a quote in the movie Cold Mountain, “Sometimes just reading the name of a place near home – Sorell Cove, Fire Scale Ridge – enough to break your heart.”  It shows how much life there is on the planet. The places of solace that it provides can remind us of the Divine, without effort. We just walk away knowing that we have been changed, improved and profoundly moved.

This moment stretches my heart, and shatters what has kept me closed.  This place haunts my essence in the most serene way, existing in the place inside that is pure creativity. It brings me back when I have lost my way. I wish for everyone to be here…right now. Thank you.