I was making tea this morning, when I heard a beautiful little song bird. It was crystal clear with perfect pitch and had a mesmerizing echo quality. It captivated my attention so I walked over to check it out. There was a mirror outside my doorway and the bird was looking at its own reflection. At first, it admired itself from different angles. Then, it tried desperately to get closer to the bird in the mirror. After a while, it began to get agitated with the distance it had to suffer. It would fly away to a nearby branch briefly catching its breath but would have to return, driven by obsession. Finally, it turned to protesting loudly and trying to disassemble the mirror. It continued this cycle for hours, as I reflected on my own life.
How many times had I been this little bird, admiring the outside reflection and losing myself. When I met someone new, I would become enamored with their subtle nuances, as they reminded me of myself. Their presence would bring out all the qualities I loved and it was impossible to become satiated. I would devote my time looking at them from every angle, until finally becoming exhausted with my own obsession completely. I’d romanticize about how I’d never feel lonely again…
Then, I’d see a flaw that reminded me of my imperfection. I’d need a little time away but just enough to miss them. I’d return before too long. Then, they would say something that really annoyed me and I’d get the urge to hurt or destroy them. Slowly but surely they would show me too much that hurt me. I’d destroy the love and admiration that sustained my life only a short time before. Then, I’d repeat the whole cycle. Only years later did I discover that it was all a reflection of me. I only had to focus inside and the reflection would suddenly become perfection. This realization took all the fun out of blaming others but it’s still nice to admire the reflection with compassion.