When do we need boundaries? Is it when we are working a job we actually hate? When our parents still want the ultimate say in our lives? When our own voice is overruling all that we think is good? When do we say no? When do we say yes? I thought I knew the balance. I thought it made sense.
Lately, my body has been yelling at me to slow down, find my own pace. It is hard when, others are urging me to stay busy. It’s about tangible results, and productivity that leads to money in the bank. It’s about being a good employee and a nice girl.
I get so much out of meditation, reflection, leisurely walks alone, but now I find myself rushing to get done. I don’t want anyone to see me slacking. I don’t want to be late for work. I don’t want to run out of time. I asked for abundance and now I have all this work. However, I don’t have time and my soul is paying for it. The practices that give me the most fulfillment, get pushed aside. I feel a struggle inside, between the longing for what I am here to do, and what I have been taught to do for survival.
I hear the call to step into more, take the leap and know that greatness is waiting. I know that part of that is not knowing what it looks like. We aren’t meant to know what it looks like.
I journeyed to the Underworld today and took my Jaguar ally as protection. It was the most soul satisfying quest. It lasted only ten minutes and held the most delicious richness. It contained a sweetness that I could die for. My intention in the journey was to bring back a gift.
I traveled through the chambers, stopping to burn my old contract. It is the one that says, “Life has to be hard”. I then, grabbed my new one to move on to a gift. I waited… Then, seeing a flash of something flying in front of my face, I heard a faint whisper in my left ear. It was an inaudible rambling of words that were not English but I knew it was a secret of what is possible. It was given to me to hear and treasure. I felt honored and complete for a moment.
It’s the coming back that’s hard. I am working to find a balance in my life that truly reflects the intent of the Soul, rather than programming of a society that has lost its way. I guess this is my job. I am learning…