Day 4 with a Shaman

Well, today, I am supposed to write my old story around my core issues. It should be the worst version of what my mind tells me. However, I woke up today trying to remember my issues that I put in to my sand painting. I think that is a good sign. 🙂 So here is my story…

I am not good enough for earthly success, happiness, health or enlightenment. Every time I get close to truly achieving success, I sabotage it. I am a fake and am not good at anything. Other people do not respect me or think what I have to say is important. I am a bad and ugly person. My boyfriend is only with me because I came along when he was lonely. My family and friends resent me because I do not make a lot of money. I will never amount to anything in this world. Life on Earth is brutal.  God has abandoned me because I abandoned God.

Wow, this was hard to write. It made my skin crawl to reveal this to others. I am ready to let go of this lie for good. It has protected me but it is time for a new story.

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9 thoughts on “Day 4 with a Shaman

  1. 1personresponsible says:

    Your honesty is courageous. I beleive a lot of people have these same inner thoughts and feelings . I know I have. My best to you.

  2. I don’t know much about shamanism, but it looks like you are doing some serious inner work here. In the past, I have dealt with many similar issues of my own. It is not easy or pleasant, but if you follow it through to the end with total honesty I am sure you will find it worthwhile.

  3. Perianne says:

    Good work! Here is to your new story 🙂

  4. Michelle says:

    I can so identify with both your “old story” and the idea of needing a new story . . . this is a theme in my own life right now, the idea of writing a new internal monologue to replace the damaging one that I wrote as a child. Thanks for being brave enough to share all of this, I think a lot of people are going through it and it’s good for us to know we’re not alone.

  5. Simply Begin says:

    Welcome to the “sign post” pointing you in the direction of the gateless gate! 🙂
    And though Being formerly known as Kate has no-mind, no-thing, no-body is no-one, a few questions have surfaced to ask …. Who is the “I” that you refer? Why exchange and old story for a new story? Why not through out all stories and go radically in the direction of realizing, understanding, and accepting that the only thing that exists is this moment…..
    Although it would cut short this journey with your Shaman and you probably could not get your money back… BUT in the present moment, there are actually no needs, no money needs, no teacher/guru needs, no paths, no conditions of any kind… Just existence free completely of fear… Complete truth, happiness, joy, surrendering and unconditional acceptance… 😀

    • leelotchka44 says:

      Hi Kate –
      maybe it is all about following your heart from one training to the next. With your post, you are saying ” don’t follow your heart and your choice where you are now, come to where I am.” That gives signal of no trust that our shamanstudent is not exactly where she wants to be, to learn exactly what she will learn. in order to embrace the moment.

  6. leelotchka44 says:

    Hi Kate, I am not a Shaman teacher:-)
    I just think that your question does not fit this blog: we are here to follow her process to become a shaman.

  7. RichardB1001 says:

    I find your posts helpful and am now following your blog. Check mine out. I do digital photos, news, science and technology and economics.

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