Facing the demons
Energy has been tumultuous lately. One minute I’m joyful, then the next crying. It has nothing to do with what is happening in the story of life, I noticed as I began wailing when I realized I’d lost three pounds. It should have been a celebratory moment and I found myself bawling like a baby. Anger has come in long waves. I made a decision in the midst of anger to face the dark side, while daring it to, “bring it on”! It was the only thing left to do. I was done. I began reading everything racy I could get my hands on, diving more deeply into the rage, deciding to face it without any numbing substances. If I was going to dance with the demons, I wanted to know them well.
However, being extremely empathic, I sensed that absorbing the mindset of the enigmatic allure of the underground scene would be enough. I needed to grasp the compelling nature of it and see the web of magic it could spin. It was full of twisted demons leaving lost souls and perversion in its wake. I ran full speed into every dark patch I could sense inside my body, mind, and energy field. I disappeared into the stories of junkies, prostitutes, shameful homosexuals, rapists, serial killers, and my own creator of sabotage. Looking around, grasping it completely.
Five days later, the end result is…absolute boredom. This two dimensional world no longer has any appeal. It is empty and flavorless. Even while experiencing heartbreak and pain, it has no power. Once the heart has expanded, there is more beauty to crave. It is infinitely promising, while the darkness becomes ever more finite. The darkness is only tempting, when we are running from it, running from ourselves, and lending it more power than it actually possesses. When we embrace it, there is more light and darkness ceases to exist. The lie is limited. Truth is Eternal.
After further reflection, I think I’ve only begun to glimpse the dark side. There is a whole lower realm that is beyond this world, or parallel to it. It is beckoning to me, since I wrote this last post. Perhaps, I only explored the dark side of our everyday realm. Something beyond that is passionately inviting me to dive deeper…